You switch on the light but the darkness continues. There is no light, the room is sweltering hot and there is no water. Hospitals instead of treating patients, watch sick people suffer as they don’t have access to electricity. This is a reality for most people in the world right now.
I think it is agreed by most parties, at least the ones that possess common sense, that the world is at the brink of an energy crisis. Globally we consume around 22.3 trillion kWh each year. Our over-dependence on fossil fuels for this electricity has filled the air with grey smoke. Thousands of people die each year as they’re unable to afford the electricity to heat their homes during winter.
The global population is growing exponentially and as everything from our cars to our lightbulbs depends on electricity the situation is rather grave. At the rate we are going all our known deposits could run out in just 53 years.
But what can we do about this? The machines and devices we have won’t just disappear. Are we all doomed to live in darkness after 53 years?
Well, here lies the novel answer. I propose a grand scheme that will solve our energy crisis, ensure everyone has electricity and make the standard of life higher.
I do therefore humbly offer it to public consideration that we capture a star in the universe, drag it closer to Earth and then cover it with solar panels.
Ask yourself where all the energy on our planet comes from?
One would rightfully conclude that most of our energy comes from fossil fuels, 65% in fact. But where does it get its energy from? Fossil fuels after all are just dead plants who preserved all the energy they absorbed during their lifetime. And all of this in turn comes from the big ball of fire in the sky.
The sun is the ultimate source of all energy.
The obstacle, however, lies in how this energy shall be obtained. Solar energy already exists yet has been proven to be barely effective mode. To solve the crisis of the world, we need to find a more reliable method.
I am assured by a gentleman I know that those solar energy panels are largely redundant due to the clouds in the sky. The February sky lets not a peep of golden sunlight upon the heads of the unfortunate people, let alone upon a solar power machine.
A child could tell you that the closer you stand next to a heater the warmer you will feel. In the very same way, the closer solar panels are to the sun, the more energy they shall absorb. Some inferior imitator suggested solar panels be put on rooftops and other such ‘high’ objects. I ask you why wait at the rooftops when one can reach the stars? And I mean that literally.
The sun is 148.51 million km away from Earth. If you were that far away from a heater, you would be lucky to survive winter at all. To absorb the maximum possible energy one would have to get closer.
If from 148.51 million kms, we can garner 3% of our global energy requirements, then if we surround the golden ball of light in our skies, we will receive more than 450,0000% of our current energy requirements. This will be enough not only to completely run our planet for millennia to come but also will be sufficient to light our Earth after we pull the plug on our solitary light source and plunge the world into the very eternal darkness we were fighting against.
And since we are already accustomed to the red, hot sky, this transition will not be too strenuous for the masses either.
Some people of a desponding spirit are in great concern about the vast number of people currently employed in these ‘electricity-producing’ factories who would themselves fired unceremoniously. They need not be worried, for I am quite willing to put my thoughts on what course of action may be taken to ease the world of their grievances. But I am not too pained by the matter for it is well known that most are already dying of old age, diseases and droughts and will not too long be available for exploitation. For the resilient few that survive, labour opportunities for building solar panels as well as colossal structures to catapult the previously mentioned panels will be plentiful. I assure the public that these workers will not miss the light of day.
Prominent leaders like Elon Musk will only be too pleased to lend his assistance to the solar capture project, and therefore extend his outreach into the scientific company. After all, it will not be the first time in history that a company has taken over the world. He too could change his company slogan to “The sun never sets on SpaceX”. His enterprises will also provide jobs for the masses. I expect that the Solar Panel Catapult project to productively engage at least 2.4 billion people. At least another 1 billion people can provide their services to the Earth by volunteering to nail the solar panels to the sun.
This proposal will offer numerous advantages. Not only will this endeavour solve our energy crisis, create new employment industries and bring people together but it will also help us fix the Earth’s overpopulation issue.
I can think of no objection that one could raise against this proposal. This scheme has no other equivalent in the world and alone possess the ability to fix the world. Don’t let any other half-wit talk about other alternative propositions such as: taxing large organisations that use cheap fuel and pollute the environment, using renewable forms of energy, reducing carbon footprint by buying items from local shops, learning energy-efficient practices from third world countries and using privilege to help the planet and not just exploit it, campaigning against natural resource exploitation, taking care of nature, reducing the usage of unnecessary electronic appliances, planting more trees, using energy-efficient machinery and of not selling our land and resources to greedy corporations that thrive on exploitation, and uniting as people to ensure governments address such issues.
Don’t even bother listening to these fruitless schemes.
I have been long tired by the naïve, and unrealistic proclamations inflicted upon the public for years and luckily have finally stumbled upon this plan that is undoubtedly the best amongst its contenders. It offers little trouble and its benefits are enormous. I know quite a few that would go as far as to vehemently argue against the very existence of such an issue and are quite content in claiming their superiority and turning the other side. While these few are lucky enough to not experience the immediate ramifications from their decision, they too will soon be in the same boat as everyone.
I assure the public, that I in all sincerity have no personal stake in the matter. My work stems from my altruistic desire to make the world a better place and care for our future generations. I have neither stocks in SpaceX nor do I own a solar power plant and have not a penny to gain.